A Season of Wilderness

I’ve been walking through a season of ‘wilderness’ for a while now. A fog has lingered over the very depths of my soul, and it’s consumed everything within and without.

Yes, grief is a factor.

Yes, personal choices are a factor.

Yes, uncontrollable circumstances and changes in life are factors.

Life itself is loaded with a list of contributors, none of which are justifiable excuses. I have chosen to succumb to the darkness that has hovered, and it’s driven me to a place of bitterness, loneliness, doubt and desolation.

Without going into detail, a great deal of outside toxicity and negativity has driven me to a depth of disconnect I’ve never experienced before. The problem is that during this disconnect, I’ve not only cut off physical sources but spiritual ones as well. I’ve just been existing. Waiting for God to move without any effort on my part.

I’m ashamed to admit this, but also thankful for the realization and admittance. See, this season of desolation and walking through the wilderness has been a time of despair and brokenness, but also an awakening. The move I so desperately desired from God required me to move first, but I didn’t want to. God never left. He’s been walking beside me this entire time. I just kept walking away. God never stopped dwelling with me in those desolate places, I chose to disconnect. God never did cease to pour into me, I was too busy being full of selfishness to make room for Him.

Sitting in the midst of this wilderness, I see now that this entire time, He’s been waiting on me, dwelling with me and hoping to pour out all He has in store for my life. He has desired for me to let go of all the burdens that have been weighing me down, all of the doubts and fears of what to do next, the feelings of inadequacy and unworthiness, the need for love…this whole time it’s always been Him.

Waiting.

Yearning.

Hoping that one day I would look up and remember where my help comes from. Remember Who loved me before I was even born. Remember to trust His plan and purpose and lay it all down at His feet as I lay still in the shelter of His wings.

While this part of my journey is far from over, I am thankful for eye opening moments where God whispers to my heart, “Rest in Me child. I got you, and I got this." I know that while I am still navigating through this wilderness, God is right there with me, guiding, providing, preparing, shaping and loving me through it all. He is with you in whatever season you're experiencing as well.

May we lean into our Heavenly Father and sit quietly in His embrace. Let Him fill our empty places. Be raw and intimate with Him in our dark and light places. Let Him right what is wrong within us and restore us for His glory. We must decrease so that He may increase.

“We see the wilderness theme repeated throughout Scripture. Often, the Lord leads His people into desolate places to invite them into a more intimate relationship with Him.” ~from, With Us in the Wilderness by Lauren Chandler