For in Him is no darkness...

Toxic.

Some of you just had Britney Spears shimmy through your mind. Go ahead….hum it out.

But that isn’t the toxic we’re going to see here. I’m looking more to a toxic sludge.

Sounds pretty gross and undesirable, right? Definitely something you’d want to avoid coming into contact with.

Let me try to paint a mental picture for all of my fellow visual peeps out there.

(I’m about to totally out my age to anyone reading this, but oh well!)

Ferngully…..it’s a movie from the 1980’s. Do yourself a favor….Look it up! Classic!

You must at least reference it in order to follow where this madness will lead.

In the movie, there is a rainforest whose inhabitants and livelihood are being threatened by a literal toxic sludge called Hexxus. Even sounds like a dooming name you’d avoid. If you’ve seen it, you know that the toxic sludge in reference began as basically a small droplet of oil. When given more power, it grew and began to consume everything in its path that had any life to it at all. Its sole purpose was to destroy. To cover all that was good under its dark matter. It literally was sucking the life out of everything it came in contact with.

Sound familiar?

We know that the movie is actually a reference to logging and destruction of the rainforests. It was meant to send awareness and a political message. Let’s steer a little in the other direction though.

Toxic.

Toxic sludge.

Think about what it did in the movie.

Sit in that for a second.

Now….think about what it does in your life. Think about what it does in others’ lives.

Now….think about what role you play in toxicity.

Toxic behavior, tendencies, etc. will (as I mentioned before) literally suck the every-loving life out of you.  

It starts out as something small. Just a small drop of negativity. A comment from someone random. Maybe a comment from someone whose opinion you value. Maybe just something that happens that is bad. I don’t know your story, but you surely get the picture and can fill in the blank.

That small drop you are able to “brush off” initially. But then it becomes a trickle. Then a light shower. Then a downpour. Before you know it, what was a small drop has become a consuming wave of darkness that suffocates you.

The sad reality? Most of the time, this comes from the people closest to us or even the ones we love the most. Could be our jobs. I don’t know your situation, but you most certainly know where I’m going with this.

Let’s get real….(do me a favor….don’t look at this judgmentally, but instead as a personal reflection).

Are you toxic sludge that drains every ounce of joy, light, love hope, happiness from others? Do you tend to come in with your opinions, your antics, your advice, your “take on things”? Do you weigh in on situations even when you aren’t asked? Do you react? Lash out? Snap? Is the majority of your conversation always negative? Are the topics you tend to discuss loaded emotionally and heavy for others? Do conversations you get involved in generally trigger aggression either in you or others? Are your own reactions to things generally aggressive in nature? Do people genuinely enjoy your presence and seek it out, or do they awkwardly engage out of courtesy, but avoid if possible?

Are you toxic sludge?

Hard question to swallow I know.

Here’s the flip side. Go back to all of those questions, but look at it from the point of view of the person who’s light and joy and hope and happiness has been suffocated because you’ve succumbed to the darkness? Maybe you tried to spare feelings and sacrificed your genuine joy in order to avoid issues with someone toxic? Maybe the toxicity is coming from a family member and addressing it, trying to combat it, etc. will only cause problems so you just entertain it in order to keep the little peace you have remaining. Maybe you know it isn’t worth the effort it will take to fight the toxicity, so you simply withdraw and become a lifeless, lightless being who exists in other people’s world. You lose yourself in order to accommodate other people’s agendas for their lives or even to try and fit the agenda they have for your life.

That one hurts, huh?

Guys, over 42 years of walking this planet, I’ve learned there will always be toxic sludge. Period.

And for whatever reason, most of the time, those Hexxus’ could care less that they are draining you dry, because all they’re focused on are themselves, their own feelings, their personal opinions, their needs, etc. Those toxic characters will always pull their power from the destruction of others. It’s rather sad when you think about it.

Let me be clear first….we all are toxic at some point and to some extent. However, some have pitched a tent and live there with great pride.

I must admit, I’ve allowed way too much toxicity to be the determining factor in so many decisions in my life. I’ve allowed so much to dominate my mind and heart…to direct the path I have followed…the opinions, the pressure, the lack of wanting to rock the boat, the desire to keep the peace even at the expense of my own peace. Even my future or my kid’s future….pressure and toxicity will take every ounce of air from your lungs and leave you gasping for life. Then it’ll take that last breath. It sends me into a depression honestly. I retreat into a hole like a turtle. It drains me of all life. I am not proud to admit this, but I do want to be real. I've completely lost 'Jenny' amongst the toxicity over the years. Still do. Sometimes without me even realizing it.

If you are on the receiving end, why do we allow it to go that far? Why do we choose to drown?

If you are acting as the toxic factor here, why? Just why?

Small piece of advice....get rid of it. That simple. Cut it off before it chokes the life out of you.

Recently, our pastor brought up something in his sermon that resonated a little too close to home. We often will choose the wrong path for our lives in order to avoid conflict with people near us. We will choose the wrong path in order to please people. We will choose the wrong path in order to live out someone else’s version of our lives (because their version must be the right one, right?) So many other scenarios we could fill in here, but all of them lead back to the toxic behavior and mindset we’ve succumbed to.

Our pastor also brought out another extremely valid few points. YOU WILL NEVER PLEASE EVERYBODY. There is always going to be someone disappointed or someone who thinks you should’ve done differently or someone who thinks you could’ve done better or someone who has an opinion…always. AND…..by choosing to follow a path for all of the wrong reasons mentioned before, you are in direct disobedience to God’s will for your life.

Now that one should’ve hurt like it hurt me that Sunday morning. Literal tears flowed. I sat there in that pew and silently just said wow.

I know I am not the best version of myself anymore. I’m not sure if I’ve ever been honestly. I’ve spent so much of my life trying to “be” some version of myself that everyone else expected. Expectations are a whole other blog.

Let me go ahead and burst your bubble lol it doesn’t work. My pastor was right. It’s never enough for some. Too much for others. Completely wrong for the rest.

And all for what? At the expense of your joy? At the expense of your God-called purpose? Why in the world do we place so much value on other people’s opinions or callings for our lives? Why do we give them so much power? Who are they to truly determine what God has already written?

Somebody reading this is about to stop reading and probably swell up like a toad…but you need to check yourself if you really think your opinion should have that kind of weight or importance. This may hurt your feelings, but maybe that is exactly why God led you to this post. It doesn’t matter if it is someone you love, be it a family member, a child, or parent, a spouse, your brother’s friend’s 2nd cousin removed’s hair dresser. It doesn’t matter how much you think you know what is best for that person. It does not matter how valuable you think your opinion is. It does not matter if you have gone through something similar. It doesn’t matter if you don’t like it! God DID NOT call you to tell everyone else what to do or to dictate His purpose for their lives. He needs you to live out His calling on your life and leave everyone else to Him. If it hurts your feelings, read it again. Pray about it. I’m not trying to call you out in aggression or anger, I’m praying that God is speaking to you so that it will trigger healing in you and others.

Now onto the other side of this….

Are you holding yourself back from what God is moving you to do? Are you hindering the Spirit in order to accommodate others? Are you not fulfilling His purpose because you’re afraid of what others will say? Or maybe because you’re just afraid period because you’ve suffocated for so long that you don’t even know what is anymore?

For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. Ephesians 6:12

Principalities. Powers. Rulers of darkness. Spiritual wickedness.

Those are some deep terms. Sounds a lot like toxic sludge. All bred from greater, evil forces trying to consume what is good. Satan is lurking about. Seeking who he may devour. He will take what he can and destroy anything that might be used for the Lord just for his personal satisfaction.

Let’s not just pick that one scripture though. Look at the whole chapter. Sometimes, I think people like to read this section and stop after the particular verses that fit their agenda at the moment and totally disregard the bigger picture.

We are servants of Christ. Not of man.

While these scriptures even reference the roles in a family (make sure to truly, intently study those before jumping to conclusions too)…ultimately it all still directs us to how we are supposed to do the will of God, first, foremost, above all. We are supposed to look to Him for our protection. To suit up with His armor. We are to consume ourselves with Him, His purpose, His will and His way. He will direct our paths. Everything we do should be for the honor and glory of our Lord, Jesus Christ. Then and only then will we defeat the toxicity that this world so easily infects us with. Then and only then will we fulfill His calling on our lives. When we are sold out solely to Him! Seeking Him first in all things.

Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us, Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God. Hebrews 12:1-2

We weren’t put here to validate others’ opinions. We weren’t put here to fulfill someone else’s grand plan for our lives. We also weren’t put here as the major disappointment that some may label as your life. Life was breathed into you by the One and only that gets to determine your worth, value and purpose. Stop giving so much power away to everyone else when that power was never theirs to begin with. It has and always will belong to the Lord.

If you’re the one sitting on the other side of the table, please reflect deeply. With all due respect, God did not place you on His right hand to pass judgement onto others or to dictate their every move. He did not put you in charge of others so that you could destroy His plan for their lives just because it doesn’t fit your personal agenda or opinions. The Lord does indeed have a grand purpose for you, but it in no way supersedes His sovereignty.  I truly do not mean that in an insulting way, but it is the hard truth some need to hear.

This long drawn out writing to say…..follow God’s lead and direction for your life. Spend time in prayer everyday communing with the Father and pouring out your heart’s desire to fulfill His will and not your own or others. Spend time in His Word. Search the scriptures. He gifted us with such a great map to follow, if we’d only choose to use it. Reflect. Ask God to search your heart and if He finds toxicity there, ask Him to help you remove that and to instead pour joy out onto others. Ask Him to help you refrain in moments when your opinion is not what others need to hear, and replace it with prayer for that person. Prayer that His will be done, not yours.

Friend, first off let me tell you that until you have experienced the saving grace of Jesus Christ, your life will always be filled and overcome with toxicity. Darkness will rule. I pray above all that you will choose today to give your whole heart and life to the One who bled, died and rose again for you! When you have Jesus Christ in your heart, that is when you will know and be able to live with pure, true joy.

Now, hear this….God does have a calling for your life. God wants you to live it out with such amazing joy and light. Not only that, but He wants others to see that vibrance that is rooted in Him so that it draws them closer to Him as well.

This then is the message which we have heard of him, and declare unto you, that God is light, and in him is no darkness at all. 1 John 1:5

Let’s be the light and not the darkness. For in Him is no darkness. Release the toxicity. Find a peace that passes all understanding in Him. Step forward so valiantly toward His calling in your life even if that means upsetting a few piles of toxic sludge or removing them altogether. Who knows, maybe your journey toward His light will consume their darkness and lead them toward Him too.

Overcome darkness with light. He is the Way, Truth and the Life.