And then the doorknob fell off...

And then the doorknob fell off…

We’ve all heard the cliché saying, “When it rains, it pours.”

We’ve also heard, “Things never go as planned.”

Or maybe it was the philosophical advice from one of my favorites, Forrest Gump, “Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get.”

You get the gist.

I am not complaining.

At all.

Quite opposite, actually.

Do I enjoy misfortunes arriving simultaneously? Well no, duh! Who does? (No… please, if you do, reach out! I’d love to pick your brain as to how you manage to find comfort and satisfaction in these moments lol. There must be a method to the madness!)

Do I go sit in a dark corner rocking myself, while murmuring insanities and crying from the overwhelm…..well, maybe. Maybe not. Or maybe not in so many exact terms or ways.

I would venture to say that on and off for the past….., well immediate past, or extended past, whichever best fits…. that things have definitely not gone as planned.

It has rained and poured in increments. Life has indeed been a box of chocolates, and I have had zero clue what the heck I was about to bite into next. (Please feel free to laugh throughout the endurance of this piece…trust me, I am as well while writing.)

Some days I notice, but most days I don’t. It’s only at times such as those most recent, that the organized chaos does indeed tip the scales from functional to pure insanity.…(I use that term “organized” only to make myself believe I have some sort of grip on reality. I assure you that I do not.)

So, raising two teenagers, both of them girls, both active in all things school related can set the scene for you. Any of you parents out there juggling even one child who is “involved” in school can most certainly understand what is about to happen in the proceeding paragraphs. The oldest is in the learner’s permit stage of driving (again, you parents feel me on this?)…one is in the “just entering teenage years/everything is life altering or ending/drama city/life is dumb/(fill in the blank with the other teenisms you’d like)” stage. We’re at fill-in-the-blank ball practice or track practice. We have band, Beta, UIL, cheer, homework, etc. On top of that, we are active in our church and youth stuff sooooo….it’s meal prep, lesson prep, teaching, worship service prep, slide show, singing, etc.

Again, I am not complaining. Yes, I know these are all choices we make and things we could eliminate. I am doing two things: setting the stage and also, working to relate with some of you (or most of you if I had to guess)….hang on with me…..

On top of that, I am a department head at my job (sounds important, but it’s just me trying to manage organized chaos among a lot of people spread out over a lot of places.) Some of my fellow co-workers describe what I do as cat-herding. So picture this….a person, standing in the middle of a huge room, surrounded by innumerable kittens, cats, kitties, (pick your poison) and there is the person with a box of food trying to situate everyone in an organized manner to make sure all are taken care of, but one cat needs one thing, one needs another and they all need it now! And they're all meowing, loudly, obnoxiously...and pawing at your legs, constantly, aggressively. Oh…and throw in working a “second job” of covering an office for the company while a lady is on medical leave as well as traveling for work.

Ohhhh yeahhhh.....and.....We’ve also moved!! Three females….two teens….one adult….in the middle of the fastest paced part of their lives…..in a one bedroom, one bathroom apartment. It’s been challenging to say the least, but we’ve adapted. Sort of. Ish.

But wait! There’s more…..

Ahhhh yes….the saga continues.

And I promise there is a point….you’re too far into it now. You’re invested….keep reading.

So, over the course of the past couple of months, we’ve had quite a few personal “issues” as well in this box of chocolates that we’ve bit into that have not been our fave flavor. My girls and I are abnormally close, connected, etc. My oldest is a big-time mama’s girl, so she has separation anxiety when we aren’t together. Again, def not complaining! But….this mama heart doesn’t deal well with hearing of her baby girl’s sleepless nights and tears when she isn’t with me. The youngest is a bouncing ball of sunshine, rainbows and lightening (lol) that is coming into herself (if you know you know….this is a challenge in itself), and she is leaning on me more too so the pressure is on.

Tack on all of the aforementioned items and stress, plus a season of indefinite waiting on some very important things to take place for me, us, etc. (the mental and emotional load of a single woman in her late 30’s/turning 40…yeah, you can imagine), my grandmother having a recent diagnosis we weren’t expecting, constant expectations from others (often unrealistic or just demands lol…again, if you know you know), trying to be a good mother, good daughter, good friend, good person, add the other daily crazies, etc. stack all those plates on my tray…I got this!!!.......and then the rain starts.

You thought that was the rain?? Funny. Not even close. But I digress.

The last few months, weeks, days, have been a blur. At one point, I was in an office waiting on a customer, my personal phone was ringing with a call from our corporate office. My work cell phone was ringing with a call from a client (make that two at once and one going to voicemail), the office phone in the actual office was also ringing…..(yes, all at the same time). When I finished with the customer in front of me, there had been 3 missed calls on the landline in the office. 17 text messages, 10 missed calls and voicemails on the work cell, and yeah I’m not even gonna add the personal cell to this. It’s giving me anxiety just reliving it. And that was all week that week! In the middle of this mess, I had to call my parents to go grab my kids because, my schedule changed at the last minute and I couldn’t make it in time. (Mom fail….shocker.)

That has been life the past few weeks (okay…the past few months, maybe years, eh…who’s counting lol), and on Tuesday, we came home after work, school and practice and my oldest steps into the kitchen and says, “Ummm….is that supposed to be here?” As her foot submerges in water.

Yep. I finally got to the when it rains it pours part. Flooding outside. Flooding inside. Literally. Figuratively.

Yay……said with much sarcasm.

But wait! There’s more.

We clean it up. It is what it is. The show must go on. Let the crazy schedule commence for the remainder of the week.

At this moment, the song from the old Winnie the Pooh series comes to mind, “And the rain, rain, rain came down, down, down….”

I’d been holding it together all this time. Sort of. Best possible anyway.

Plus, I haven’t had time to clean my house, keep up with the laundry, keep dishes out of the sink, (you guys know what this does to people…we get even more anxiety if we have an untidy kitchen, house, etc.) and the endless list of other unexpected things, items, agendas that daily life demands.

On top of it all, I have also been a little “under the weather” (no pun intended). But, I mean lol

So fast forward to Sunday, a day we definitely love and look forward to as a refresher each week, but also a day Satan looooovvveeeesss to play.

I woke up late. Had two LARGE cups of coffee. The computer I use to do the church worship slideshow wouldn't come on (enter Satan stage right...)...then it wouldn't work again when I got to the church (scene...Satan prancing across stage now)....oh yeah and ummm...I may or may not have had little to no voice because of said illness from earlier (so yeah, I sounded like a frog, but make a joyful noise right? I led with confidence and crackling!)....We survived the service only to come home, semi-relax and then....Satan returns to the stage triumphantly for the final scene!

AND………it rained again. Maybe poured is a better word. Yes, it poured! Literally.

Guys, lately we’ve had so much rain in our area that the water is sitting on top of the grass. Our lawns are ponds. There is nowhere for the water to go. Or is there?

Remember the water in the kitchen earlier on Tuesday? Inside it comes….AGAIN!

At this point, Jenny is done.

I can’t anymore.

My heart, my head, my everything.

It’s tired. I'm tired.

Life, 40, Jenny, 0.

There weren’t enough towels to soak it up. So, I just let it flow.

Much like my tears, emotions, etc. It was all just too much.

And then on Monday, as if Monday’s weren’t already Monday enough….the doorknob fell off.

You’d been waiting for that, huh? Like when is she gonna get back to that?

I wish I was being funny and metaphorical, but I can’t make this stuff up folks. Plus, this story wouldn’t be near as effective if it was fictitious.

Yes, I grabbed the doorknob, and it came smooth off.

At this point, I literally just shook my head and laughed.

Yes, I just said that I laughed.

Maybe it was the insanity kicking in.

But the very next thing that rushed through my mind was Philippians 4:11, “Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content.”

Then I reflected on the entire chapter, Philippians 4. (Go read it….it’ll make it make sense.) And then a barrage of other scriptures came rolling through.

In this moment, when the tip of the iceberg had been reached, I should have run to that dark corner to rock and cry, but instead, I just smiled and found joy.

Disappointed? Hoping after this whole story that the climactic event would be a major meltdown? Sorry to disappoint, but would you really learn anything from that? Nah.

Over the years, the flood of events, the flood of emotions, the flood that has been life…it has all taught me that God’s hand is always in it….writing a story in the middle of the chaos.

Teaching me how to do life even when I can’t.

But that’s just it…I can’t.

But God can.

He “is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us, unto Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus throughout all ages, world without end. Amen.” ~ Ephesians 3:20-21

God is there… in the midst of the doorknobs falling off, flooded floors, tiny apartments, blown breakers, cabinet doors that won’t close, pipes clogged with spoons, no electricity or water, hours on the road, divorces, career changes, crazy schedules, worship sessions, eatin’ meetin’s, unexpected diagnosis’, break ups, hard conversations, hundreds of phone calls, emails, texts, the ups, the downs, the victories, the defeats, the waiting….always.

Always present.

Always faithful.

Always working.

In the words of my oldest child, “It’s all gonna be okay. This is only temporary.” I always ask her where she learned that from. She swears she hears me say it all the time, but I cannot imagine that being what comes out of my mouth in the middle of a mess. Or maybe I can.

After all this time, maybe I’ve learned a little something. Maybe, God has taught me something….to rejoice in Him always. To be patient in affliction. To be careful for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication give thanks…that His peace passes all understanding and keeps our hearts and minds through Christ Jesus…to keep our minds focused on all things above, all things good, all things, pure, all things lovely…to know that with Him, through Him, by Him, all things are possible…that He will take care of us and supply all our needs even in the middle of a mess. (Philippians 4….like I said…go read it!)

At the end of the day, none of that other stuff matters. The organized chaos, the demands, the stress, the devastation…none of it. It’s all so much bigger than us, than the here and now. In the grand scheme of things, this is just a page in the book of an even bigger story that God is using for something greater.

So, I choose to be content.

Wringing out towels in the sink…

Returning the 17 phone calls…

Not always living up to everyone's expectations...

Chasing the crazy schedule…

Living each day as another gift and blessing from the Heavenly Father…

Waiting for the right doors to open…or if the knob falls off, I’ll just stand there and hold it, eating my box of chocolates, waiting with a smile.

~Jenny