Know what you bring to the table...

"I know what I bring to the table, so trust me when I say I'm not afraid to eat alone."

***disclaimer...this photo is technically "filtered" because the background is blurred out but the image of me is raw. Wrinkles, blemishes and all! I challenge you to try it sometime!

My oldest and I have some pretty great conversations on our 40 minute commutes to school every morning, but one in particular we had this week has been weighing heavily on me. She's in middle school, and we all know at that age inferiority complexes develop or deepen. You begin to compare yourself a lot to others. You begin to question your worth, etc. So, I just flat out asked her if she ever looked at other kids and other girls in particular and felt "less than enough," less popular, less attractive, etc. She and I are open books and about complete honesty, so I knew she'd tell the truth. Thankfully, her answer was no. While she cares about not upsetting others or making others happy, when it comes to who she is and being confident in her mind of that, she is 100% herself. That answer made my heart happy and at ease, but she did question why I asked it. Here's the answer...

I've spent the better part of my 38 years on this planet questioning my value. I more often than not did not know what I had to offer because I constantly compared myself to others or was actually compared by other people to others. That can do a lot of damage to someone, especially if it starts at a young age. It wasn't until a little over a year ago that I truly began to embrace who I am, flaws and all. I'm not going to say that I don't still have my down days, but I can say I snap out of that mess quickly compared to the wallowing I would do in the past. I want my girls to grow up being confident in their skin, being confident in their minds, being confident in who they are even if it isn't the most beautiful or popular or successful when measured by other people's standards. That type of thinking, comparing, life, etc. is so toxic and leads nowhere! That is the exact type of thinking that held me back for so many years. That is what will waste so much of your time and potential if you let it consume you.

Social media has only made this entire concept and problem way worse. People compare themselves to what they see on every social media outlet and then realize how inadequate they are when looking at others. Guys look...we pick and choose what we put on social media and don't for one second think that people are only filtering their photos...yes, I said it and I'm just as guilty of it. People are filtering and photoshopping photos to look the way they look, and they are "filtering" what you get to see about their lives. Most are leaving out all of the imperfections, the flaws, the dirty parts that make them human and real so that they can become this picture perfect whatever you want to label it for everyone else to see. Everyone wants to look younger, stay younger, look happy, stay happy, look perfect, stay perfect...blah blah blah and the list goes on and on. Again, I am not judging or making fun of...I am guilty too! Pick me! My hand is in the air. Like I said, better part of 38 years was spent questioning why anyone would be interested in anything I had to offer.

But hello.....Snap out of it! Real is real and in my opinion, I'd rather be real and have real, than to lead the world on to believe I'm something that I'm not or to have others do me the same way. I am huge on being open and honest even if it means that it'll hurt sometimes. People need to see the real you. The raw, unfiltered, YOU! The you that is there when the curtains are closed, and the sun goes down. The you on the bad days when literally everything is chaos and you just throw your hands up and say nope...I'll try again tomorrow. The you who is divorced. The you who made and still makes mistakes. The you who is struggling with whatever inner demons you have. The REAL YOU! That is who we should be putting out there.

In the past few weeks, I have had multiple people that I know and some that I just met for random reasons to tell me in some form or fashion that I have so much value and worth to offer this world. No, I'm not patting myself on the back or boasting. I assure you that my responses were somewhat astonished and also full of humility. These people had no reason to be saying it other than from honesty. The thing is, they weren't wrong. Again, I'm not boasting so for anyone thinking "Dang she sure is arrogant...." keep trolling lol because if you know me then you know that is not true. I say that to say this...we all have that in us. I've had that in me since day one but didn't allow her to step up and shine. That is what I want my girls to see and believe. That the truly, genuine person they have been created to be is the exact perfectly imperfect version of them that the world needs! I want them to know what they have to offer this world is enough and that it matters! They matter!

So here I am at age 38. A single mama who started over about 6 years ago. I've rebuilt my career. I've rebuilt my family. I've rebuilt my life. I've rebuilt the woman sitting here today. I've got wrinkles, scars, a little extra weight here and there, some good habits and some bad ones, but let me tell you something...I've got a heck of a lot to offer this world and I'm not afraid to be her. The right people have come into my life and stayed. The wrong ones have gone, and the ones that were meant for lessons have helped me learn along the way. I'm offering this version of me to the world. The real, raw, unapologetically, imperfect version. The one with some serious flaws, a few wrinkles here and there lol but the one who knows she deserves the best of herself and of others.

Demand the best from you but demand the REAL too. Demand that others see your worth and SHOW you that they know it and believe it. Trust me, I could write a book about this, but I digress.

When I came to my new job a couple of years ago, my boss sent me something one day...it was a picture that said, "I know what I bring to the table so trust me when I say I'm not afraid to eat alone." That has resonated with me ever since. He is constantly telling me that I haven't even begun to tap into my potential. How flippin' awesome is that? How true is that? Embrace that. Feel that to your core. Demand from yourself that type of respect and demand it from others. DO NOT SETTLE in life because you don't think you deserve better or are not worth more. That is the mindset that I want my girls to develop and really believe. I don't want them to be compared to others or to compare themselves. I want them to thrive! I want that for you too. So, sit on that quote for a while. Next time you're scrolling or trolling through social media, keep scrolling (or get off!) Don't take any of it to heart. I promise behind the perfect picture is reality. Be totally, 100% you. Own your life. Own your imperfections. Own what you have to offer and don't be afraid to take up residence elsewhere if other people can't feel the same way about you.

I assure you that today, I know EXACTLY what I bring to the table and trust me...I am not afraid to eat alone.

May your cup runneth over.