You can't pour from an empty cup...

I spent the greater part of my life trying to ‘fit the mold.’ I can’t pinpoint a specific mold, because to be quite honest, there were multiple. This was not something forced upon me, but more of a feeling of obligation to ‘be’ that person. The desire to be important, accepted, valuable, fill in the blank….there are plenty of words that are relevant here. Inadvertently, I (like many of you) felt pressure to be or become what was expected or needed. This would later be my demise as well as my rebirth.

Without making this particular writing last as long as my lifetime, I shall summarize. I never was enough in any of those roles. I’m not saying that outside forces were always telling me that, although at times that very much was the message being conveyed. I am simply trying to help you understand that for almost 30 years of living in the list of roles I assumed, I never quite lived up to the expectation that was set forth in my mind.

Let me tell you…I am the type of person that will pour herself into something. I’m not exaggerating. Ask the people who really know me. You give me a job, a task, a ‘label’ and I am going to commit to it! Above and beyond. Leave all on the field, court, kitchen counter, whatever! And here’s the thing….I poured and poured and poured and poured for all those years……..it resulted in one thing.

I was empty.

While there was temporary approval and success or appreciation, it was just that. Temporary. There were always more expectations set or flaws uncovered or the ‘yeah but you didn’t’ or ‘why can’t you just be’…again, fill in the blank.

People listen….keep that life up and eventually you’ll break. I did. Actually, break isn’t the best word. I crashed, dissolved, shattered, think of any other words that can illustrate a broken existence and that would most likely be accurate.

I could most certainly sit here and blame people around me. I could choose not to accept responsibility and claim emotional abuse or mental exhaustion or lack of appreciation at work, home, etc. But at the end of the day, it’s on me.

I chose to live all of those years chasing the approval of man. I tried to fill the role that man asked me to fill. I tried to ‘fit the mold’ that man had created. (Please note by ‘man’ I do not directly reference the male gender. I simply am referencing mankind.) All any of that did was leave me more confused about who I really was and drained completely of any part of me that was there. As many reminded me on my journey to claw myself back to existence, “Jenny, you can’t pour from an empty cup.”

I had to let that saturate for a few years, too. I worked on me. I searched for who I really am. But, that was the problem…’I’ was working on me. ‘I’ was searching. Searching everywhere except where I needed to. It was then I buried myself in the Word, in prayer and in the presence of my Heavenly Father.

I could sit and reference scripture for you all day about how God is the only answer. God is where you seek approval. God created you uniquely and divinely for a specific purpose. I could pour my heart out and tell you how amazing it is that He created this complex universe and did it all with you in mind, but until you experience it for yourself, you won’t ever understand the depth.

I’ll try to wrap up this rabbit hole I’m running down since I’m sure you guys have work to do or meals to cook or sleep to get lol.

What I needed to realize, I knew all along. There is no person in this world that you will ever completely satisfy. Even your parents (as much as they love you), you’re going to disappoint them. As hard as you try to be perfect and be someone that fits the mold, you’ll never be enough. This is because you are basing your entire existence off of man’s standard…guys that is totally unattainable. Some of you are going pssshhhhh…no it’s not. My husband/wife, boss, kids, parents, dog, parakeet loves me just as I am. I am always enough. I hope that is true, but realistically, there will be disappointment and disdain at some point if you try to only live by their standard.

Choose God. Choose to live up to His standards. Choose to see yourself in the image of Him. That is how He created you. He 100% fashioned you for His purpose and knew you when you were in your mother’s womb. All of those scriptures you read, they’re true. Believe them. Live them. Live up to them.

It took me falling and falling hard to realize who I really am. I am chosen. I am called. I am a child of the gracious and almighty King. I am forgiven. I am blessed. I am meant for a beautiful purpose. I could seriously fill in the blank all day now and if you know me, that is opposite of where I ‘lived’ for most of my life. It took me over 30 years to accept this and it was when I finally chose to find my worth in God’s eyes, not man’s. My Heavenly Father is who loves me enough. He tells me I am enough. Even in my greatest disappointments, He wraps His arms around me. I am complete in Him and because of Him. My confidence is in Him.

Friend, stop trying to live up to mans standard. Stop pouring yourself into a world that will never refill or refuel you. Stop trying to please people, jobs, spouses, friends, etc. There is only One that can satisfy and that is our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. You will never find real happiness, contentment, joy and peace unless you are looking for it from the Father.

I am finally content. I am finally confident. I am finally me. Do I have room to grow? Of course! But I am at a place in my life where I know who I am. People around me know who I am, and now they don’t expect more from me (of course that is because I realize those expectations were really me setting them for myself). I am enough, and God is using me for a purpose. He is writing my story and filling my cup daily so that I may pour Him out to others. My prayer is that you will do the same.

May your cup runneth over.

I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me. --Galatians 2:20

For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them. --Ephesians 2:10

There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit. --Romans 8:1

Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new. --2 Corinthians 5:17

I am the vine, ye are the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing. --John 15:5

(all scriptures are referenced from the King James Version)